he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
