Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
