He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize