I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
