My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
