Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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