i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
