I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
