i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
