You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
