I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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