omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
