sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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