saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Life is so much better after having sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
