Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
