How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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