have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
whose parrot is this?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
