OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
