My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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