I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
