They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I love having hate sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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