somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
