Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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