Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
