I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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