Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
