I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
