we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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