OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm bleeding and have questions
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
