Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
