The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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