It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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