im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
