ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize