i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
