so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
