Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
