you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
