the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
