There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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