I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
