it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
