she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
