So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
