Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
