Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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