Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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