I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
