Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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