If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Houston, we have a squirter
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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