You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize