broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
