If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
