i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
