Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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