so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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