okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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