i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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