Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
