When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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