Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
