Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
