Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
