I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
