Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
