we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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