Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize