Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
