my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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