I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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