Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
