I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
