Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize