can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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