I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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