Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
