I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
