Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
