Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
