I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
