HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
